Just Any Other Day?

When someone has a birthday, friends and loved ones usually remember to wish them a happy birthday. When a couple has an anniversary, sometimes family and friends wish them a happy anniversary. On the anniversary of when someone dies, even fewer people remember. Perhaps they remember that sad day but avoid it because it's either too painful to deal with, or they don't want to create pain for those that love the one who is gone.

Some people (like myself) are good at remembering dates. We have calendars that help remind us. I can tell you many of the dates for friends' birthdays & anniversaries- even people I may not see anymore. While through the years I've gotten worse at calling, sending cards, or emailing people on their special days, I always remember them. I oftentimes remember the anniversary dates of the dates of family and friends, and sometimes I even contact their loved ones if I think it's appropriate.

(Note: I guess this is where my pity party begins. I'm not writing this for sympathy or to make people feel bad. I write this blog for me, so I can journal whatever is on my mind when I write.)

Today is my due date. Yes, the due date for the baby that Todd and I will never see. The date for the first baby we lost. It is the due date for what should have been a beautiful time in our lives. It is the due date for what should have been the beginning of our family. I mean, it would be inappropriate for me to run around like it was my birthday & say, "Oh - today was my due date!" Not that I really care any more, but that would make people uncomfortable. Instead, it's just another day. At least it is to everyone but me.

So today, I mourn our loss. I mourn what should have been and is not. I mourn that I can't really even tell anyone around me. I mourn that nobody even knows. And I mourn that I have to have this same damn kind of day in another 3 1/2 months. Today just sucks and I'm so sad.