. . . at least for us.
Thursday, 3/13 - we're pregnant. Numbers look good. Go Todd & Kristin! Monday, 3/17 - numbers don't look good. Chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks. Miscarriage #3. Shit.
My amazingly wonderful doctor called me after 5pm on Monday with my results. I don't know many doctors who will stay late to call a patient to tell her she's lost yet another pregnancy. My voice cracked and I asked him, "What next? How many times do I have to do this?"
What's next? Hell, I don't know anymore. Surgery is first. Most likely in the next few weeks. The name of the procedure is an acronym of four letters that I can't remember (when the doctor tells you that you're losing your third, your mind kinda shuts down). I'll be put under and the doctors will check all of my parts to make sure they are in working order. They will also remove a fibroid from my uterus that may be part of the problem. That's two of the four letters. I don't know the other two.
I'm a bit lost, but I'm in a fairly decent mood. I'm pretty frustrated, but I've had a pretty good attitude. I'm definitely in physical pain right now, but I thought this one would be easier since it's an early loss. In some ways it is easier, but I feel like absolute crap right now. The cramps keep hitting me like a ton of bricks. I have a pretty high threshold of pain, but they come out of nowhere and I just begin sobbing. Advil helps but only after about 800mg. I finally broke & called the on-call nurse tonight and she said it's okay to take my beloved pain pills. :)
Todd has been extra-sweet and so caring. How could I get through any of this without him? God, I love my husband. He's just an amazingly wonderful man. He's truly my blessing.
Am I sad? Sure. Will I survive? Yes. Oh, I've done this before ya know . . .
When will God hear my cries? Will we ever have the family we so badly want? Once again, I dont know. The one thing I do know - this sucks. Times three.