Blogging About Blogs

I've decided to add another blog to my repertoire. It is focused on pregnancy loss and infertility (mine and others). The link is http://www.fertileramblings.blogspot.com/. Visit here & there plus add both blogs to your blogroll. Don't forget to leave your comments! :)

Now I'll suffer from being a bi-blogger. Oh dear.

No Dwarves Were Injured in this Entry

Hi Ho, Hi Ho
It's to the R.E. I go.
I've now lost three,
Is there help for me?
Hi ho, hi ho hi ho . . .

(Kristin whistles & sings while tromping through the forest wielding a fertility ax over her head.)

Wednesday is RE - Reproductive Endicrinologist - day for me! As my OB/Gyn told me during my post-op appointment on Thursday, "We don't need to wait around on this. You're running out of time." (aka - Damn, Kristin, you're getting old. Or as I'd say, my eggs are drying up and crackling out of my body as I sit here.) I'm not sure exactly what to expect, but I'm sure we'll talk about my dismal fertility history, bum uterus, whack DNA, and I'll get the crap vampired out of me again. Fun times!

My mom said she knows of a female RE in Plano, but I told her I want a male. I'm of the opinion that a egotistic, hard-driven male with the need to "win" will get me what I want. Sound sexist? Sure it does, but I don't really care. At least said sexism is coming from a woman.

Hell, I'll be satisfied as long as we get a plan on not just getting pregnant (remember, we can do that!) but STAYING pregnant. All we want is a baby . . .

A Common Thread

I'm having a bit of a difficult week. Thursday the 24th will mark the one year anniversary of our first miscarriage. That is when our whole nightmare of trying to have a baby began. I am sad and frustrated and feel alone. I'm grasping to whatever I can right now (faith, family, friends) to maintain hope in the fact that we WILL have our own baby.

As I was feeling down today, I saw the following posted on a pregnancy loss forum of which I am a part. I emailed it to many friends that I know who have gone through some of the same struggles. Through that I even learned of another friend who is currently experiencing another loss. We all know there are far more of us than we have been told. I plan to go buy my thread and will proudly wear it. Here is the post:

Referenced in this blog posting: http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html

For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile…there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It’s rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.
As someone who has had 5 m/c but am currently 5 months pregnant (YEAH), I wonder who looks at my big belly with sadness because they are in the month-to-month struggle. I mentioned to a friend that I wished there was some secret nod or international sign as if to say, this belly was hardwon. Well, she posted this quandry on her blog, and the response has been quite overwhelming…and a movement has been born!

The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or second infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility. Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-colored thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Wal-Mart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others. Just thought I would pass the word along!

Ode to Wasted Egg

Dear friendly egg . . . corpus luteum cyst,
We saw you ready to release in my OR party pics.

I know you are gone now & I'm not really sad
Because my body is still sore and it hurts pretty bad.

Ovulation is here and quickly going away
I know you're already done working and on your way.

I just can't give you a mate, a fine little swimmer
If Todd even touches me I might croak in a glimmer.

Everyone says to take many pain pills
And do the deed with purpose - no fun or frills.

Though I'll graciously pass, my always-loved friend
Please come back next month because I expect to see you again.

Story Time!

Sorry I haven't been Kristin-on-the-spot with updating this blog, but too bad. I've been tired, sore, and drugged. However, in true blogger's fashion, Ill try to tell you about the blur the past few days have been. (Disclaimer: between my pain meds & my laptop having a mind of its own, please excuse any errors.)

Everyone get some popcorn & get comfortable. I'm going to tell you a story. Please . . . no cell phones, no pagers, and no crying babies. Featuring:

A Storm, A Runaway, A Nurse, A Silver-Legged Robot, Some Surgery, A Comic, A Horse, Party Pics . . . and a Wasted Egg

Wednesday night

STORM . . . Everyone in the metroplex knows what bad storms we had that night. I didn't sleep from 3-5am while waiting for the sounds of freight trains (aka tornadoes). We didn't get hit - just lost some branches so we were lucky. Mother Nature is nuts.

Thursday

RUNAWAY . . . My mom came to pick me up & when she opened the door, Steve ran for the hills. Luckily, the storm had tree branches & stuff scattered everywhere, so he didn't get too far. Unluckily, she tried to chase him down. I was getting dressed, so I finally figured it all out & got him into the house.

NURSE . . . Thankfully, my mom (who is a nurse) took me to the hospital & stayed with me through the afternoon and evening. She helped keep me calm, entertain me, speak medical jargon, dress me, feed me, and nurse me. My mom is really the best nurse ever.

SILVER-LEGGED ROBOT . . . That would be me, the main character of this story. For some reason, I was given the largest hospital gown ever known to mankind. Mom & I got a kick out of it. I was also given silver legging things to wear during surgery. Yep, I looked like a freak. What else is new? The entertainment of looking like a silver-legged robot provided us some relief from the nervousness I was feeling.

SOME SURGERY . . . My surgery lasted about two hours. My awesome OB/Gyn did some "spelunking" around my uterus & tubes (hysteroscopy, laproscopy & chromotubal thing). All clear! Dr. T. removed a large fibroid inside my uterus, burned two on the outside of my uterus, and - to all of our surprise - removed a lot of endometriosis none of us knew I had (endometrial biopsy & ablation). He noticed a large corpus luteum (it's an egg!) preparing to release. The doctor said I'm fertile, but he definitely wants me on blood thinner injections for our next pregnancy.

COMIC . . . That's my awesome Doctor. After my surgery, he found my mom in the waiting room to tell her that my surgery went well. The conversation went something like this:
Dr. - "She did great! Well, actually she was asleep the whole time. I did great!" Yeah, he's funny. I guess he did do a great job, though.

HORSE . . . That would be me again. When I woke up in Recovery, I was in a lot of pain. They pumped me with some more pain meds and eventually moved me back to my room around 3:30 (my surgery started at noon). I was still in pain, so I was given more drugs. Then, I got cut off like a drunk chick in a bar. Okay, so that's giving up to much of my past. :)

I apparently had been given Demerol, 18mg of Morphine, some Toradal, and one Percoset. Yes, I was drugged almost enough to put a horse down! When they told me I'd have to be admitted if my pain couldn't get under control, I sped up my recovery. I still felt awful, but my pain level suddenly dropped to a two. Time to drink something, go to the bathroom & go home.

PARTY PICS . . . My comedian/doctor left my mom all sorts of pictures of my insides and things he did to them. They looked interesting after lots of drugs, but they're kinda gross now.

My mom and I got home around 7:00 that night, so it made for a long day. I proceeded to vomit upon getting home, and then was able to get some soup down. I was getting hungry and dehydrated after no food for 24 hours.

WASTED EGG . . . Dr. T. said that I would not be on any kind of pelvic rest after my surgery. Considering I have three small incisions & an EXTREMELY bloated stomach that would beat out any beer gut or any 5-month pregnant woman, I think that big egg the doctor mentioned will just go to waste. I wish he could have just saved that egg for later, but thankfully my body seems to make enough for now.

I would offer you a "The End" now, but I'm hoping this is "The Beginning" for us. The beginning of my body functioning properly, the beginning of us not only getting pregnant but STAYING pregnant. Now THAT will be a story to beat all stories!

Time for another pain pill and some sleep. I hope.

My EHLCABCXYZ Surgery

My friend Jess calls it that, but it's really just "EHLC" + something else I don't know how to spell. We'll just call it "surgery" for now since that's easier to type and say!

My surgery is scheduled for Thursday at noon. No food/drink after midnight, check in at 10am, surgery at noon, in OR for about twoish hours, recovery, go home . I know how outpatient surgery often works, so I hope to be out of there before the end of the night! Luckily I'll have my own personal outpatient surgery nurse (a.k.a. my Mom) with me.

So, what is EHLC? I thought you'd never ask! If you are sensitive about girlie stuff, stop reading now. Some of you can handle it all (shout out to Newtie)!
E = endometrial biopsy (biopsy of my endometrial/uterine lining)
H = hysteroscopy (an inside tour of my parts)
L = laparoscopy (an inside tour of my parts laparoscopically)
C = chromotubal-blahblahblah (shooting dye through my tubes to check for blockage)
There is one more part where radio frequency will be used to remove a fibroid from my uterus. The uterus is about the size of a fist, and the fibroid is about 35mm x 24mm which is a decent size. I just hope my hooha doesn't start playing music or need the station changed when commercials play. That would be a little uncomfortable for me - especially in public situations.

Tomorrow I have to go by the hospital for my pre-op bloodwork. It'll be a rush getting out of school on time and racing to the other side of town, but I'll be there. I have been vampired more in the past year than I probably have in my entire life, and honestly, I'm sick of it. WHEN (not if) we get pregnant again, I'll be on daily shots of Lovenox (a blood thinner), so I might as well be all friendly with the needles now.

To add insult to injury, I got another pre-surgery deposit statement from the doctor. So far I'm out $2300 and that's just the beginning. It think it's cheaper to have a baby than not to have one.

All in all, we'd go through needle sticks, surgery, money, or whatever we can if in the end we have a healthy baby in our arms. It's just the beginning of the sacrifice and love called parenthood.

Oh, and did I tell you that I'm really scared? Uh, yeah. Really. Can I get an IV now?

BOHICA #2

My surgery is scheduled for next week, so plans are being set by not only me but Todd, my mom, the hospital, doctor's office and more. Luckily Todd and my mom won't be charging me. However that's a bit different for the hospital and doctor.

I completed my pre-certification process with the hospital earlier this week. I answered questions, gave insurance details, emergency info, etc. The woman with whom I was speaking ended our call by saying she's get back with me about the details of my copay/deductible.

$1896.30. What? Yep, that's right. Almost nineteen hundred dollars. And that's just the hospital. They better be lining my uterus with huge, high-quality diamonds. I'm a teacher not a money tree!

Then, to compound the situation I get my pre-surgery instructions from the doctor. My deposit of almost $400 is due prior to surgery. That should cover the diamond and gold-encrusted fallopian tubes and ovaries.

C'mon now . . . and why do I have insurance? It's obviously cheaper to have a baby than not to have one. It's all insane.

And I was complaining about the cost of a tank of gas. Ahem.