Flashback: One Year Ago Today

Monday, August 11, 2008 was a scary day for me. My mother was preparing for open-heart bypass surgery to replace an mitral valve in her heart. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and headed to the hospital. Much to my surprise, I beat my mom and Rick. I waited for a few minutes and finally called to make sure she hadn't overslept or changed her mind. She was concerned that she had forgotten to pack her waterproof mascara & wanted to go by the store first. (That's my mom!) For some rare & unknown reason, I had some in my purse and told her just to head to the hospital. Goodness . . .

She arrived, kissed me hello, took my mascara, and I could tell she was a bit nervous. Granted, we were in the hospital where she works, in the unit where she works, with the nurses with whom she works but it was still a scary thing we were facing. I spent many hours before that day crying and praying to God that He would not take my mother. My grandmother, Mary, still needed her daughter. My mom's husband, Rick, still needed her. Her grandchildren needed her. Her other family members and friends needed her. Of course my brothers needed her. But mainly I needed her.

I still remember the look on her face when the pre-op nurse began to administer her meds and instructed Mom to hug and kiss us before she was out of it. I still remember my eyes completely filling with tears that took forever to flow down my pretend-smiling face. And I still remember kissing my mom for what I prayed would not be the last time.

Since everyone (including the OR nurse) knew my mom, they were wonderful about calling my cell phone every time they did something - starting the surgery, opening her, starting bypass, taking her off bypass, finishing up, heading to recovery. Rick tried to sleep in a chair in the waiting room while I busied myself with crosswords, running to the cafeteria for breakfast, and worrying. The calls were comforting but also a bit nerve-wracking. Being the daughter of a nurse and being fascinated by medicine sometimes lends to knowing more than one would prefer.

Thankfully, Mom's surgery went better and faster than expected. The surgeon called me personally to tell me they were able to repair the valve instead of replacing it. And that's when I lost it. When I first said, "She's okay," I broke down. A sweet, young hospital volunteer came up to me later and said that was one of the most touching things she'd seen in a long time. Guess she unfortunately saw too many sad tears vs. tears of relief.

Mom's recovery was long - much longer than she hoped and anticipated. She was in the ICU longer than she wanted and had a few bumps along the way, but she eventually was released from the hospital and recovered fully. You can barely see the scar that runs from below her neck down her sternum. Mom enjoys having me feel the knotted wire under her skin. She gets an evil smile on her face when I now politely decline. :)

Mom has very few, if any, memories of the first week or two after her surgery and it really bothers her. I have filled in some gaps and tried to tell her stories from those difficult days. Yet, as I look back on them, I look back on them with love. I was able to spend some time with my mother (unbeknownst to her!), caring for her and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. I also had lots of time to spend with Rick and my Mary.

Best of all is that I still have my mother. Having seen many of my friends (and recently including my own mom) lose their beloved mothers, I can't imagine not having her here. A lot has happened in the past year - most of it not too good in our family - so I think I'll love her as much as I can while I can.

The Good Patient

Mom is officially at home! I haven't spoken with her live today, but she left me voice mail this morning that she had finally gotten the go-ahead to make her way home. My Mom still has several weeks of recovery ahead of her, but I know she's happy to be home where she can sleep uninterrupted and find comfort in her own surroundings.

Thank you for your continued love and prayers.

Mom - Sunday - Day 6

Today is 6 days post-op for my Mom, and she is doing so well!!! Today we took a stroll around the IMC unit, into the waiting room, and back around. Mom needed no assistance at all. In fact, she probably outran us all. :) She's getting herself in and out of bed, walking, sitting up in bed and in a chair, cracking jokes (her favorite joke is the "black testicle joke"), and is in pretty good spirits. Even her incision looks good!

Mom said she had kind of a rough night last night. She got out of bed for a while and straightened up her room (if you know her, you're probably laughing) but she just didn't feel too good. She has bouts of nausea that take her out of commission for a while.

This morning mom went for a stroll and then sat down to have breakfast (remind me to tell you about her eating). After she had about two bites of breakfast a few nurses came into Mom's room and asked her what was going on. Cluelessly, mom said, "Not much!" According to mom's monitor, she was in a-fib which is an irregular rhythm of the heart. Her heart rate was elevated, which isn't too good for cardiac patients. She was given some medication through IV & things settled down from there. The cardiologist said the a-fib happens in about 30-40% of patients after mitral valve surgery. Mom's chest drain was also removed which she said was painful. I saw the drain after it was out and OUCH. It would've hurt me too!

After her minor, little setback this morning, doctors will probably keep Mom through Tuesday. She said she would relax and do what was best (remember my "This place is boring" quote?). I think Miss Pat is learning that her body needs to chill out and rest. If you ONLY knew how hard that is for her to do . . .

Food - you didn't remind me but I remembered - Mom isn't eating very much. That's not too good considering everyone is a tiny stick figure (but me). Mom said nothing tastes right. Food smells good, but once she eats it, it's gross to her. We were told this before her surgery, but hopefully that will go away in time. Mom is already tiny and can't really afford to lose weight.

Neat story: Two people from the housekeeping department of the hospital came by Friday and brought Mom some small gifts. How touching. My mother really reaches out to everyone. The fact that cleaning people think enough of my mom to care that much touches me knowing that she does the same for them. My Mom is amazing in so many ways.

Outside of the hospital, we ALLLLLLL go back to school tomorrow. We teachers, that is (me, Todd, my brother, etc. etc. etc). Ugh. I'm already tired! :)

A big thanks to Jinger & crew who sent mom some gorgeous flowers & plants. She LOVES them. Thanks for being a good daughter! Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes, calls, emails, & prayers. It means the world to my family. Truly, it does.

Thursday's Update

I'm going to make this brief because I am exhausted tonight. I was only at the hospital for about seven hours today, but time is catching up with me!

My mom was moved late this evening to the Intermediate Care Unit (IMC), which is a step-down unit from the ICU. She walked today with a walker & that wore her out. So, between the walking, moving to a new room, sitting up in a chair for several hours, respiratory therapy, physical therapy, eating, & chatting with a few visitors (mainly hospital staff!) - she was a busy girl and absolutely worn out. I helped her with dinner, got the nurses to get her back in bed, set up her new room, tucked her in, kissed her goodnight & left around 7:15. She was out before I left the room. :)

We are hearing some more comments such as:
"This place is boring"
"There's nothing to do here"
"These people (nurses just like her!) won't leave me alone"
"I hate RT" (respiratory therapy)
"I need my makeup bag"
"I'm ready to get home"
"I don't want pain meds in case I have company" (yeah, we had a talk about that)

Once I told Mom that she can't even get herself out of bed or cut her own meat, she thought about staying. When she had a big episode of nausea & dizziness right before moving to the new unit, she looked at me and said, "I guess it's a good thing that I'm still here and not home." Ya think???!!! Stubborn woman.

It's looking like Mom may be headed home by Monday. That will be within the predicted seven days of hospital stay that the surgeon told her before she was admitted. That will be when it becomes difficult to keep her down.

Thanks for the prayers. She's doing well and still has a long road ahead of her. Several of you have told me to take care of myself and I am. I'm just tired because I'm fat and old!

Wednesday Afternoon/Evening

Today Mom is beginning to turn the corner. She sat up in a chair for almost 7 total hours today! Mom is absolutely wiped out, but she is starting to feel better. Tomorrow the plan is to move her into the Immediate Care Unit & she will be up and walking as well.

After the 12noon - 2pm visiting shift, I went into the waiting room so Mom would get some sleep. (She thinks she needs to entertain if anyone is in there.) I tried to take a quick nap and was slowly entering a bit of a twilight phase when my cell phone rang. It was Mom's work number, so I figured it was her colleagues calling to check on her. When I answered, I heard this raspy, whispery voice. "Hi. You need to call your brother and tell him . . . blahblahblahblah." Yep, mom borrowed the nurse's phone to call me and give orders! I asked her if I needed to come in there & she told me to come by later. When I told her I was in the waiting room, she said, "Oh! Come in here and sit with me." I also knew that Mom was starting to feel better today when she cracked a couple of jokes, wanted some mascara, said she was hungry, and complained that "this place is boring". She'll be up & running the hospital again in no time.

There were a couple of entertaining times today when my mom was having some dreams/hallucinations around 1:00 after a dose of morphine. One of her chest tubes was removed, so they gave her pain meds to get through it smoothly. She had dreams of a patient trying to swallow, thought she had a picture in her (empty) hand, and thought the sytrofoam cups on her table were "buckets". There will be some great stories that we can use for torturing her later. :)

The next couple of days will be especially difficult on my mom since she will be exerted physically. It will be hard for us to keep her relaxed and preventing her from overdoing it. Thanks for all the continued thoughts, prayers, calls, emails, pages, texts, and comments. They really mean the world to my mother, our family, and me.

It's Wednesday, right?

Day #3 - less than 48 hours post-op. I'm on the 10am - 10pm shift here at the hospital, so I haven't seen Mom yet since visiting hours aren't again until noon. Her nurse is wonderful and nice, but quite the Nazi about the rules. I did go back to tell Nurse Nazi that I'm here, but I was scared to ask if I could just look at my mom! Enough about me and N.N. - now to the patient.

Yesterday's stuff:
- significant pain finally hit today & I reminded her that she knows the day after surgery is worse than the day of
- had the arterial line (like a big IV in her neck)removed
- she was moved in bed which caused much pain
- drank some apple juice, but still preferred ice (one of her fave words right now is "ice")
- told me (via very light whispers) that she "didn't know it was going to be this bad"
- asked about everyone and asked if WE are all okay (I told her not to worry about us & take care of herself, but that's not in her nature.)

- Michael (my baby brother) was here a lot yesterday & made Mom grin. She told us she was "proud of us". Again, never about her just about everyone else.

Today's stuff:
Rick (my mom's husband) took the early visit this morning & when he walked in, Mom's bed was empty. It scared him until he saw Mom sitting up in a chair. She was still in pain but a little more alert and her voice was slightly above a whisper. Rick said she sat up for about three hours and was then exhausted & went to sleep after pain meds.

Mom complained yesterday & this morning that it hurt to breathe & doctors determined her lungs have been very slightly compromised (for lack of a better term by me) She's on IV antibiotics, working on lung-strengthening exercises & coughing some (ouch).

I'll go in to check on her at noon & post again later. Until then, another picture. Here's Mom a few years ago while working in the ER - just two floors below us right now.